January 2024 – a little bit about a lot of things

“Patience is when you’re supposed to get mad, but choose to understand instead” – Anonymous

We have all heard the old saying “Patience is a Virtue.” A phrase originated by English poet William Langland in the 1300’s, the quote has stood the test of time as a golden rule. The Bible also applauds the virtues of patience noting that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace and patience. But as I look around the world today, we are seriously lacking in this practice. Why has our patience muscle became flabby and weak?

January brings the beginning of a new year and the yearning of change and self-improvement. Gym memberships clog the airwaves and on-line streams are filled with home remedies for working out. The act of moving and getting in shape, burns calories and tones our physique. But what about strengthening some of our non-physical muscles? If we don’t exercise our virtues could we develop patience atrophy?

The other day I was watching an episode of Seinfeld. Kramer and Ellen were headed to the local video store to rent the latest VHS movie. As I watched the interchange with the store clerk of which new releases were available, I begin to remember what life was like prior to streaming devices and Amazon prime. In the little town of Templeton, we had one video store. I recall going in and placing your name on a list (pad and pen) to be next in line to rent the latest movie. We had to exercise patience and the reward was getting the phone call to come and enjoy the latest blockbuster.

Technology has made our lives more efficient, information more readily available and increased our ability to communicate tenfold. One single device, the cell phone, developed our instant gratification muscle into an Olympic athlete. We flex it daily as we text, call and email our people and expect immediate response. And when a answer doesn’t land in our lap within seconds we go into instant panic mode. Making up stories of why the other party is not responding. No thought or care that the person in question might be busy living their life, having a meal, or god forbid being present for another human being free from said device. The amount of patience used is zero. Is there is a direct inverse correlation between wanting our satisfaction immediately and our ability to sit quietly and wait? Or has the universe turned our lives on a perpetual fast forward speed?

Who hasn’t experienced that breaking point when we loose our cool. As we end that last day of the first month of the new year, lets lean into self improvement and all go into training and increase our stamina of being patient. Being a good personal trainer, I have come up with a weekly exercise plan for improving patience tone and endurance.

1 – Slow Down. As the title of the blog suggests, all things on God’s time. I use to relish in the fact that I could multi-task 24/7. Living in a constant state of being “on” raises your nerves and anxiety. Nothing can snap your patience in half than being in a hurry. Slowing down and taking one step at a time gives you space in the world and lessons the temptation to swing at those unforseen curve balls.

2 – React unexpectedly and do the opposite. I read an article recently that focused on not getting caught up in the expected results. Something goes wrong and you lose your cool. Why not instead counter with the complete opposite gut reaction and see how that feels? The other day I gave this a try while driving to dinner.

In Louisville many of the main roads have a lane down the middle that allows one to use as a “waiting spot” for traffic to clear. I was sitting in my car making a left hand turn when a lady pulled directly in front of me from the opposite direction. Her destination was further down and needed me to turn before she could complete her trip. She began to wave her hands, share not nice jesters, and basically throw a fit in her front seat like a three year old. My normal reaction would have been to try and hurry to cross the two lanes to my destination or share some not nice motion back. But instead I sat there knowing I could not move safely so I just raised my hands and gave her the heart sign with my hands.

I am unsure how my response affected her, but it made the whole incident irrelevant to my state of mind. Instead of being agitated or upset, I was completely at peace. I was patient, crossed safely and went about my business. Try the opposite exercise next time someone says or does something that would normally trigger you to react negatively and feel your patience muscle flex.

3 – Be prepared. I like to make my bed every morning. Originally this gave me a sense of completing a task to start my day. But over time I have discovered this little act provides me a sense of calm when the day is down. I have added to this process with washing the sheets right before a trip. Coming home to not only a made bed but a clean one is pure bless. Other little pieces of preparedness I have implemented are cleaning out my vacuum bag and filters after I use the appliance. Leaving items in a perfect state of use for the next time brings peace and aides in a patience neutral experience.

4 – Listen to your mother. If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself. I know that is easier said than done. But as I watch the world react to one another across social platforms or comment boards, it is obvious that many feel an overwhelming need to throw out negative criticism. Patience can’t not develop in a negative environment. Like protein to your bicep, patience requires positive energy to build and develop.

5 – Take care of a pet. Having Louie in my life has been like joining a hard-core boot camp. You think a rep of burpees is tough, try an eight-week-old baby velociraptor disguised as a chocolate lab puppy. He has pushed my practicing of patience further than any paid personal trainer. Between the tears, torn up items, tripping over his toys and downright worrying about him like a child, he has really bulked me up to maximum performance over the last year.

6 – Put some grace in the space. My final exercise stems from my lessons with Beth Wonson. Give others time to react to your request. Build space around your expectations. Similar to slowing down or doing the opposite, giving communications, issues, or life a chance to catch its breath will develop patience. Set expectations for yourself and share frequently. A great example could be with responding to emails. If you know you are someone who is busy and only gets to your inbox once a day, try creating an automatic response informing others that you received their message and will respond within 24 hours. Eliminate the rush, the need to make up a story, or create negative energy.

Our daily life 30 or even 10 years ago had built in patience exercises. Similar to PE being mandatory in school, we worked out these muscles on a daily basis. Waiting was a given and we cherished the reward that time took to deliver results. Putting these daily drills into your life won’t eliminate the frustration of traffic or sitting on hold endlessly, but boy won’t you admire your improved stamina and energy as you wait for all things on God’s time.

(Cover photo is Nolan enjoying his favorite past time at one of his most cherished locations, Torrey Pines. Golf a true exercise in patience.)

“If you’re “too much” for them….. they’re not enough for you.” – Coffee Cup Mantra

The other day I received an email from WordPress with statistics of my year in review. Although I had visitors and many views, there was no new content. Much to my surprise I never wrote in 2023. Wow can that be true? Yes, I know I have been hit and miss over the past decade, but not one entry? Combine this fact with the recently discovered 2023 planner that was completely blank. The opening page stated “How will you bloom?” and solicited the planner to create a mission statement for their ideal year. Why was my last year void and what the heck happened to 2023?

The list is long, not much fun, very cumbersome and at times full of negative energy, but the answer was simple; I got lost in 2023. Not fully a surprise. I recall a morning drive in July and having the realization that I didn’t have the same relationship to music. The joy I found in little things, a song on the radio, a great bite of food, finding the groove in a project, these were all nonexistent in my daily ritual. Instead I was caught in a hamster wheel of trying to keep all the balls in the air while pleasing the masses.

Now I am not placing blame or not taking responsibility for my current state of affairs, this is more getting down to the foundation and assessing the situation. Letting my economic background take a hold of my brain, I started looking at the variables and limiting restraints in my life. Pretty much my entire landscape has changed. My X’s and Y’s were foreign. Living more miles than I care to think about from family and friends, no familiar surroundings, and lets just add it to the mix.. life with a dog (I do love Louie but he is a major change) nothing in my world has been the same. Allowing my environment to hold constant I need to improve my X to get the greatest return of joy out of Y.

What were the successful pieces in the past? Accepting that my function didn’t change overnight, let’s examine the timeline. In January of 2019 there was the phone call from the mammogram department at Sharp requesting I come in for additional testing. From that day forward life seemed to keep handing out new variables of constant change (including the fun filled adventure we all experienced called “Covid”). Now 1,825 days later, the variables have altered so many times that I feel more like a finished 2,000-piece puzzle that looks nothing like the box cover.

Then it dawned on me, I have been here before. Many, many moons ago I experienced much of the same feelings of life kicking over my apple cart and jumping all over my fruit. When my surroundings were different, the people weren’t my friends (at first) and the subject matter was very new and extremely scary.

When I was 11 years old, my parents divorced. My brother and I found ourselves outside our normal, small town of Templeton (800 people at the time) world and thrust into the hip, beach community of Carpinteria. Living in a condo and not on our farm with all our livestock was culture shock. Most frightening was walking into a 6^th grade classroom with 20 plus strange faces looking back at me.

You see I started kindergarten with the same group of kids that I had shared a school room with for the past half dozen years. There were no surprises, I knew where we all stood in the world of grammar school politics. I can tell you that Jack Greer and Marty Gonzales would get chosen first for teams, that Eddy McGill was the fastest boy in class and most importantly that my desk would always be next to my very best friend Shawna Moore.

Yet on this October day just shy of Halloween, my mother marched my brother and I into Main Elementary School. I can picture that first day like it was yesterday. I had to sit in the office while my mother finished our paperwork. Talk about being in a fish bowl. Kids’ faces would cruise by the window all looking at the new girl. Soon I was whisk off to meet my new class mates. Mr. Carrillo was my teacher and he was a big guy. He ran his room in a loose but structured style. I soon learned that many of my classmates lived in the same neighborhood. But I also was quick to discover that some of the students did not welcome strangers. I was threatened and even ran away from school one afternoon. Lucky for me I had a great teacher and librarian that saw the need in a lost little girl and decided to choose my first friend for me.

Lisa Gray was the daughter of the local dentist, had a very similar appearance to me and loved to read. The school adults saw something in both of us and very silently placed us together. Reading groups, going to help the librarian, working on projects she was always by my side. And the magicalness of adolescents turn us two brown haired girls into the best of friends. She made my new life bearable and soon helped me find my groove in a new place.

Lisa and I both made other friends and shared mutual groups of interest, but I can’t even begin to count the numerous adventures, secrets and memories we created. Lisa was enough for me and I was never too much for her. And the funny thing is that I know if Lisa, Julie, Candy and others were to sit down with me at dinner tonight we would pick up right back where we left off. (cue the end of The Way We Were).

I moved back to Templeton my junior year and graduated with many of the faces that I begin my academic journey with 18 years earlier. But Lisa and a handful of other friends never left my thoughts. I use to note that at the time, I down right hated having to move, but looking back I gained so much from being in a new environment. From learning experiences to different styles in clothing (who knew there were jeans outside of Wrangler?) and being exposed to a larger community helped shape my life and inner growth. And if it wasn’t for Mr. Johnson my high school agriculture teacher I wouldn’t know Parli Pro or how to play cribbage.

Discovering the lessons as our life changes and why god has placed us on a path isn’t always easy. It can be downright challenging. Using all the tools in your chest of “self help” can take time to repair the road our journey travels. My fall back in any situation is to use the simplest form and go back to square one. Cleaning a mess of closet, empty it completely and start over. Challenge at work, what is the first step in the right direction? So that is what I have done. And writing this blog is the first step to a new tomorrow. I am not going to promise that this will be the year that I actually write more and more, but who knows maybe the door opening is a sign for that adventure to unfold. My other big news is that I am teaching again. I am officially the instructor of Equine Marketing at the University of Louisville for spring of 2024. It has been great making my mind use channels of thoughts that have sat dormant for a few years.

Here is to 2024. A planner full of notes and lists. A blog review that surpasses any other year. Life is a journey and as history has shown all trips have their ups and downs. Look for the foundation or that one solid variable. Be it a person, place or thing, find your Lisa Gray and the equation will solve itself.

Month: January 2024

All Things on God’s Time – A Patience Workout

The Lost Year of 2023