“Never forget the essence of your spark” – TS

The past couple of years we have heard the term trigger used in a variety of ways.  From upsetting an individual to the more unfortunate “pulling the trigger”, the weight of this very word has grown beyond an episode of my 600lb Life.  Such a simple notion has went from a real, medical definition for some to an attempt to create a world covered in padded protectors for others.  Filled with so much unconstructive energy and beyond over used, I began not using the phrase when explaining my reaction to certain events.

Being one to put my best Pollyanna hat on, I try to look for the ounce of positivity in every moment. Last year the trigger mine field was taking its toll on my thoughts until I had a break thru this summer while reading a social media post.  I know, how ironic, a method of communication that results in multiple trigger moments daily, I found the counter balance to those hair shifting actions.  The post introduced the concept of “glimmers”; the celebration of the encounters that bring you joy. 

The concept wasn’t completely foreign to my way of thinking.  My last post noted having the opposite reaction to events, was this the same outcome just wrapped in a different package?  If we are busy searching for glimmers will we have less time to be triggered?

As the months past, I pondered writing this blog and sharing my experience.  Yet my attempts keep falling short.  Thinking of the two forces, picturing an old school scale with triggers on one side and glimmers on the other side, the weight just seemed to lean to the former. Then like a meteor falling from the sky it hit me, I needed a stronger word to battle the Goliath.  What should this new beckon of light exhume; hope, growth, power, joy or just about anything that expresses the feelings that brings a smile to your face.    The Oxford Dictionary defines a spark as “a trace of a specified quality or intense feeling”.  Intense feeling, now that has some muscle.  Sparks can grow and turn into something magnificent such as true love.  The Frank Sonnenberg quote suggests, “You never know when you’re creating a spark that will last forever”.  The momentum continued build and spark became my new word.

Don’t get me wrong, part of a healthy journey is learning to navigate life’s ups and downs.  I was very fortunate this week to welcome Kiah Burchett to my Equine Marketing class.  She did an amazing job communicating to the students about creating your personal brand.  But the part of her talk that really resonated with me was how we have to experience valleys in our life to enjoy the peaks.  As she pointed out the consequences of your heart monitor being flat, a young man blurted out, “you would be dead”.  Doesn’t it hold true to be truly alive we have to feel the triggers and the sparks?

Encountering the upcoming generations (Gen Z and Alpha), through my life or others around me, there is a huge population of adults flat lining our youth.  They are creating a world (or at least attempting) were there are no downs.  Furthermore, there are no consequences when you create your own valley due to bad choices.  I raised three children who experienced their share of joy and heartbreak.  Did it melt me when they were disappointed or had bad luck fall their way, absolutely?  Were they miserable to be around when they had to pay the piper for wrong deeds, defiantly.  Development into a happy human requires you to first learn what unhappiness feels like deep inside your core.  Emotions and joy grow from experiencing the “trigger” moments.  Disappointment flexes our emotional heart muscle. Seriously how does one gain compassion if they can’t identify suffering or misfortune. Once one can differentiate between dark and light, that is when the sparks become visible.

When I picture a spark, the first thing that comes to mind is a fire fly.  Not common in California, but on a summer night in Kentucky they can light up your backyard.  They aren’t a big bug, super fun to find and keep you searching for more.  The key is once you discover one, stop and acknowledge and celebrate, if only for a minute.  Let the good bring you joy, take a breath for yourself, give it the same space and respect you would if you were triggered.  And unlike a trigger (that I suggest you release once it comes) store the good in your soul.

Where do I find sparks, good question?  Pondering that while my brain was sorting through these thoughts, I began thinking of how I capture my “fire flies”.

1 – Many moons ago, circa 2000 I made a list of things I like.  I still have the journal and a page full of pure Jackyness.  I get that we have morphed into a society of technology, laptops and tablets have replaced paper and pen, but I am old school.  To really get something to touch my soul I like to write it down.  One could even say, a good journal would light my world up like the Fourth of July. 

Curious to what was on my list?  Oak trees and gardenias, the smell of rain and the sound of the ocean, inspiration and projects with an end, my list is pretty broad.  Reading it today it is funny how so much of the contents hold true today.  Giving myself this gentle reminder of my turn of the century thoughts will aid in my search of sparks in my daily life.

2 – That being said, be on the lookout, constantly.  Reflecting of the earlier paragraphs, you can’t appreciate the spark if you don’t take the time to acknowledge one when it lands in your lap.  During Covid the entire Exhibits Department at the San Diego County Fair was laid off, except me.  Having to wear the hats of many talented people created new work for me on a daily basis.  One day when I figured out a computer program that wasn’t normally part of my workload, I “high fived” myself.  It was spontaneous one arm went up and it was met with a clap from its partner.  In this moment this simple act was born.  I acknowledged how great it felt, how proud I was of my achievement, and begun using this motion more and more. 

3 – Similar to keeping yourself open for sparks, figure out ways to put your mind in the right space.  I have written many times about one of my favorite teaching tools, the book the Happiness Advantage.  The lessons are to put ourselves in the mental, physical and emotional state to be happy.  From looking forward to a future event to exercise and mediation, create the space for sparks.  If we are busy running around being triggered we will never catch a glimmer much less a spark. 

Lets face it, things will be said, acts will be done, life will punch us in the gut and we will react.  We can’t prevent this from happening to ourselves or our loved ones, no matter how hard we try the downs are part of god’s plan.  But we can change our focus to search for the ups, however small, to remind us that there is always a rainbow after the storm.  Find your joy, embrace the spark and remember the words of Taylor Swift, “’Cause I see sparks fly, whenever you smile”.