It’s Okay, NOT to be Okay

“We are all broken, that’s how the light gets in.” – Hemingway

Prologue – During a recent cleaning of my computer files, I discovered a folder full of partially completed blogs. Some were near completion while others were no more than a few sentences of a single thought. There were even a few, as my pal Corey Oakley best describes, that were borderline ramblings of a mad woman and may take some time to deconstruct. Deciding to tackle the chore of finishing each post, not only gave me a head start on my writing but reminds me of my reflections of years past. The following post was 95% complete and originated from November of 2019 a few months past finishing my breast cancer treatment. It was also around the time of Bobby and I calling time of death on our marriage. A longer blog, with many trains of thought, I did my best to edit without taking away from my original state of being. And although my mind, spirit and soul are in a much more joyful state, the sentiments seem to ring true in today’s world.

It’s Okay to be Not Okay

How many times has the following conversation been part of your day?

A friend asks a simple, kind question: “How are you?” You instantly respond with the obligatory, “I am okay” or better yet “I am good, just living the dream.” And quickly change the subject to any other topic but your current state of being. Deep down inside or maybe even right under the surface, you are far from okay. Why is sharing the truth seem like such a challenging request, even coming from our closest people?

In a world where other people’s opinions and reactions have a direct effect on our mindset when do we risk being brave enough to share the truth? When asked over the past several months, “How are you”, I was as guilty as the next guy with brushing the truth under the rug. Is it an inner urge to create a positive outlook or a private “do not disturb” switch I hung on my hypothetical emotional door? To be honest for me it was holding it together in order not to burst into tears. As a pure defense mechanism to my sanity and sadness, my main goal was holding it together on the surface. “Isn’t a beautiful sunny day?” was my focus, minute by minute, day by day. I had allowed myself to be the supporting character in my own story and not burden others in my sadness.

For me, there were a variety of reasons. Originally, I chalked it up to societies niceties, to air on the always sunshine, glass half full, response to your general state of being. But as I dug deeper, there were a treasure chest full of motives for being “untrue” in my remarks. I don’t have the strength to elaborate on my response, the feeling that the person asking really is just making small talk, or maybe I am just plain embarrassed by my circumstances. Was I a giant failure at my own life? And then it hit me, it is okay to say, “I am not okay”.

2019 may just be my least favorite year to date. The only other contender would be 1997, but as I try to get “this too shall pass” to set in, the newness of our current calendar feels far more difficult. Struggling to find my new normal, there is a liberation with owning your feelings and how you navigate them to the world. Starting to accept that I don’t have to go into detail nor do I need to feel responsible how the other person perceives my response. I also can take others “helpful” responses and do as I please with the information. And this new freedom has made me dig further into speaking ones truths.

Speaking Your Truths

In today’s culture (I believe strengthen by social platforms) humans think they can share their thoughts freely. Good, bad or just plain right out of left field, views flow freely. But in modern communication it seems that there is a new concept that comes with the sharing of opinions. We tend contribute those agreeing with us (or changing their mind) with how “loud” our expression grows. And that everyone who “follows or likes” our thought, will also feel exactly the same way. Even easier, if someone disagrees with us, with a push of a button we can simply “unfriend” them and block out their words. Problem solved and your world is full of the perfect harmony of everyone you associate with thinking, feeling, and believing all the same truths.

Well, I am here to tell you that is not okay. I am all for everyone embracing their political, spiritual, moral, educational, sports loving, beliefs. Sing them from the roof tops, be loud and proud, but do not expect me to jump in line and change my mind if we tend to differ. I agree with all my heart that we should all get to share our beliefs and live a life true to ourselves. But with that comes the acceptance that I get to believe, reflect and deliberate (or not deliberate) just the same as the guy next door.

So here are a few things I am okay with embracing, believing and living by, that it is okay for you to NOT share in my view. We can still be friends. We can still “like” each other on the world wide web. And the earth-shattering news is, that we all will still be a complete person tomorrow.

Jacky’s Beliefs

1 – Agriculture is king. More importantly, commercial agriculture is responsible, mindful, enterprises that are managed by smart people that value our earth, economics, and feeding our planet. Big does not equal bad. We need all kinds of farming to maintain the volume, tastes, preferences and price points that keep the supply chain viable. Do you realize that not all organic farming practices are sustainable? Do you even know the definition of organic or holistic farming or what an operation consists of on a production platform?

2 – It is okay to be a girl. Being born with two XX chromosomes isn’t a liability. I do agree both men and women can achieve, do, be whatever they want. But in this world that girls can do anything a boy can, I fear sometimes the message loses site that being a girl is pretty cool too. When I went to grad school in 1991 studying agriculture economics in Oklahoma, how many young ladies do you think were my classmates? There were three of us total and I was the only one that graduated 18 months later. 28 years later, my daughter is at the same university in the same major getting her Phd and the ratio of men to woman has changed drastically. I am all for everyone of us being true to our dreams. I also think that pink, crowns, dolls and wearing ribbons and bows doesn’t change your value to the world.

3 – Not everyone is cut out for collegiate life—and that’s okay. I’ve been around high school agriculture teachers for the last 38 years, and vocational skills have real-world value. Certified welders, landscapers, and heavy equipment operators—these are skilled professions, and they’re highly lucrative. We each have something to give to the universe to make it better. It just might not be developed through a four-year degree.

4 – Finally, it is okay not to be okay. Kiah Burchett visited my class to share her story and talk about self-brand. When one of the students asked her if she had bad days? I will never forget her response. She asked the class if you saw a heart rate monitor and the line was even (straight) what does that mean. They all replied, “you would be dead.” Exactly we all have down days. They allow the good days to follow.

If every day we felt the same and every situation was a neutral response would we feel nonstop joy or would we just feel empty? Being not okay occasionally and allowing ourselves to reboot is a necessity to life. When I wrote the above, I was about as down as I have ever been in my life. I started to wonder why I didn’t finish this post and get it published. But then I discovered the culprit. I wrote this on November 10, 2019, five days before I met Tod. He came along and jump started my climb back up my EOG (electric okay gram), filling my time with UCSD sporting events and meeting new people. My mind was finding joy in new adventures. And before you knew it, the sad of the past began to fade.

Here we are almost six years later. Go ahead and ask me how I am doing. Don’t get me wrong I still have those days that are just not good, but I am open to sharing my ups and downs with no remorse. Tod and I have experienced many changes in our world and even gained a dog. How does the old saying go, “What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger”. Maybe that is the key, our strength comes from the down days. But I rather lean into the words of the Beatles, “Here comes the sun and I say, “It’s alright” or should we say “It’s okay”.

The photo was taken outside of Santa Fe, NM in September of 2019 exploring spiritual location

September 23, 2025 0

You’re the Biggest Part of Me… Class of 85

“All it takes is one song to bring back a thousand memories” – Unknown

It’s Labor Day and approximately 90 days past my original attempt at this post. It began with a trip to California to celebrate my nephew Garrett’s wedding the first week of June.

Being the ultimate travel planner (or at least in my vivid imagination) my initial goal was to make a brief stop in Las Vegas for a couple of days with an end game of catching Kenny Chesney at the Sphere. A few days of poolside sun made the itinerary; No Shoes Nation did not. (I traded the expense of concert tickets for a second summer adventure. Saratoga Springs racing season for the win. But that is a story for another day.) During the four hour flight to Sin City, I stumbled across a documentary chronically the birth of Yacht Rock music.

Being a creature of habit with a knack to embrace my seasonal luxuries, there are hard and fast rules in holiday celebration that I hold firm. You won’t catch me listening to Christmas music until the day after Thanksgiving. Then it is nonstop Bing and the boys crooning away with a sprinkle on Mariah and Amy Grant until the clock strikes 12 on December 25. Yet the jolly holly day isn’t the only seasonal playlist that I am loyal too. A few years ago, I discovered a summer station that made my 15-year-old heart melt, Yacht Rock radio.

Between Memorial Day and Labor Day, Yacht Rock graces my satellite radio as a designated channel. And for the sunshine months, I enjoy some of my favorite tunes from my teenage years. What a pleasant surprise on that faithful flight on June 1, to stumbled across a documentary that chronicled the mystery of this nontraditional genre.

The Yacht Rock movement to my surprise was more than a collection of songs I enjoyed formatted into a single playlist. Did you realize that much of this music stirs from a collection of talent combined in infinite combinations? Back in the 80s it was common for musicians or vocalists to assist in the studio across a variety of artists. Don’t believe me take a moment and grace the credits of half the songs listed on the top 100 Yacht Rock tunes and count how often Michael McDonald’s name appears? Songwriter, lead vocals or studio back up. He was mentioned so often that I began to wonder if he just kept a sleeping bag in his car with a spare tooth brush. The jazzy piano sound combined with the eccentric styles of the perfectionism of Steely Dan or the band Toto as independent studio musicians define the genre that didn’t exist until decades after the music topped the charts.

Fast forward to September 1, where I find myself as a passenger on another United flight headed to Las Vegas for an excursion to the Sphere. This time to skip down the yellow brick road and to see my pals the flying monkeys. There is no better use of my time, but to finish this blog. And ponder on why a piece of music history can make me feel like, there is no place like home?

Yacht Rock was never meant to creep into our airwaves on its own format when the artists were creating the sound. Born from skits and crooners making fun of this little slice of 80’s music it became a collection of sounds that reflected similar styles and characters. No captain hats or boats required, the definition included a smooth, jazzy piano sound featuring soulful voices of Micheal McDonald or Kenny Logins. Engrossed in the 95 minute documentary, I viewed a story of music that shaped my teenage years through my early twenties and rolled me back to 1985.

What happen forty years ago? The greatest class of the 80’s graduated from High School and took their first step into their future. Looking back at my educational journey it was truly a combination of Mayberry meets Surfing USA. I proudly place myself as part of two classes of 1985, roughly two hours apart in driving distance and as diverse in lifestyle as any country girl could imagine. And I am was the lucky one to have experienced all of my classmates from both Templeton and Carpenteria.

I began my first day of kindergarten with many of the same a faces that I walked across the stage with twelve years later in the Templeton gym to receive our high school diplomas. During the sixth year of my scholastic journey, I joined the class of 85 in a the coastal town (sixth grade through my sophomore year) just south of Santa Barbara known for avocados and ornamental horticulture, Carpenteria. An environment that seemed 10 times bigger (probably closer to 5 times) and culturally on a different planet. Yet, as I watched the documentary and quietly sing every lyric, I couldn’t help but notice the synergy that created the Yacht Rock sound mirrored the mapping of my childhood journey.

Jazz music is characterized by its emphasis on improvisation, complex harmonies, and syncopated rhythms. It often features a blend of different musical styles and cultural influences, making each performance unique and expressive. These notes combined with the overwhelming thread of collaboration of artists, song writers and musicians truly is the heart and soul of Yacht Rock music. And my growing-up game board of skipping through the spaces followed a similar format.

My classmates and friendship groups featured a mix of many personalities from a diversity of backgrounds. The foundation of our togetherness was a mix of harmonies of interest, unique collaborations, proximity in our daily life and that we were all in this big can of stew together.

There is nothing like the friends you have in your school days. They are a constant that you can count on day in and day out. As we grow older and embrace friendships in our later years, one can easily yearn for the ease of having a pal in our back pocket at all times. Let’s face it, it might not always feel this way, but in high school and college, there is always someone a stone’s throw away that is going through the exact same experience. There were an abundance of opportunities to make a friend or hang out with like minded people. Hearing the songs of my past, made me pause. Is my love of this music enriched in the sound or how it takes my memories on a soulful journey back to my youthful days.

From school dances to FFA trips, from high school sports to yearbook antics, my life was full of some of the most amazing humans that have ever walked this planet. Being part of the notorious Gen X culture, we might be small in size compared to other generations, but we have the luxury of being at the dawn of countless changes in world and daily life. We were the kids that learned how to cook with a microwave for an after school snack. Our music came in many forms, albums, 8 tracks, cassette or good old fashion AM/FM radio. Back in the days that making the team meant you showed up daily for practice and there was a role for all in the school play, being part of the whole offered a sense of community.

Templeton High School class of 85’s final journey was a trip south to the Happiest Place on Earth. Grad Night at Disneyland was our toast to the past while running straight into our future. I will admit there was a part of me that knew deep down inside that as we left the bus after the long ride home, it would be the last time I would see many of my classmates. Yes, there has been weddings, significant birthdays and chance encounters over the years, but there a just a handful of my classmates that I regularly communicate with or see (both Templeton and Carpinteria). Sure the birth of social media gives us an opportunity to reconnect and “check in”. But sitting here I figured why wait for a formal event to share what everyone of you means to my life.

Lisa, Julie, Lisa and me CHS 85 – 20 Year Reunion

As the Ambrosia song states, “Got a feelin’ that forever, we are gonna stay together, for me, there’s nothin’ better, you’re the biggest part of me”, the humans that I spent twelve years of my life surrounded by will always be part of my foundation. The story of Yacht Rock showed that working together always made the whole better. My classmates are who taught me to love, to laugh at nonsense, feel the value of team work, how to win and how to loose. Without them I would not be the person I am today. So here is to all of you from the Class of 85, thank you for being part of my life (big or small)…. you will forever be a huge part of me.

September 12, 2025 0

Lessons Learn from a Simple Note

“Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart.” – William Wordsworth

For the past six weeks, I have been keeping a secret. Better yet let’s call it a major surprise, that tied perfectly into my last blog post. The challenge was not to “spill the beans” while I wrote and fingers crossed the many I tied into the task, kept their lips sealed as time ticked closer to “D Day”. Or should we say “B Day”?

My daughter Kayla turned thirty last week. Early one January morning I got an idea. Those that have worked with me know that me walking in on a daily basis with the phrase, “I have an idea” is not earth shattering news. This one began with a simple thought and grew into mountain to climb with a tight deadline ticking down daily. The brainchild was a gift to my daughter that would showcase the first thirty years of her life. A creation of memories and messages from her first 10,950 days, featuring her family, friends and special loved ones from near and far.
My natural tendency is to have an idea, allowing zero time to percolate before putting the plan into action. My thoughts that early morning, while waiting to board a plane to Reno, moved like the speed of light. Before a second idea could enter my mind, the wheels were in motion as I sent out a group text to dozens of family and friends. My request while rehashing my vision, was simple please send me a handwritten note wishing Kayla a Happy Birthday. I was open to them also sharing special photos they may have of the celebration girl, but what I longed for was that piece of paper with pen marks that makes each of them special to her life.

As I woke up the next morning, instant panic hit me of the enormous task laying ahead. What was I thinking, thirty years of memorabilia to rediscover, organize and neatly sum up in a book? Over the past three decades we have moved from old fashion film, digital cameras and today’s photo capturing device of choice, our cell phone. Inputting the pictures alone would require scans, downloads, uploads and never ending edits. As I sat in my hotel room, I figured I needed a plan and fast. On my side were a few things, I have organized items for each child in a single clear container, Shutterfly had been my photo creation device of choice for at least two decades, therefore housed numerous uploaded photos and the simple fact that I opened this Pandora’s Box with a large number of my contacts, there was no turning back. Laptop in hand, I typed Shutterfly into the search bar, and the first step was taken in a very long journey.

Over the next four weeks there was the gentle balance between feelings of great accomplishment to overwhelming piles of photos, page counts and hunting down letters. The final statistics include one book, 78 pages, filled with 332 photos and 21 letters. I included her birth announcement, a few of her first birthday cards from special relatives no longer with us (complete with their signature), a poem written by her 5^th grade teacher, a newspaper article/photo and her ultrasound image.

I am grateful for the challenge and the reminder of the value of the written word. Large projects can be a doubled edge sword for me to complete. I get caught between constant inspiration to falling down a rabbit hole of chasing ideas, thus turning minutes into extended hours. Funny thing was that while I waited for the letters to come in, I would be setting up the page of the person writing to Kayla. And every single time, the photos I had inserted fell write into step with words in the letter. The words became the irreplaceable star in the production. And I began to notice this continued theme in recent days.

Assigning my students the chore of writing “thank you” notes to speakers, there was the bright light again taking center stage. Their kind words reflected the appreciation of the time the guest spent sharing their story while inspiring ideas of future career possibilities. And just this week while applying to teach yet another class, I had the opportunity to read letters of recommendation for yours truly. The written word is a wonderful reminder of where we thrive, find enjoyment and touch others. Maybe we do need to read how others feel about us, now and then, as a gentle reminder of our importance in this solar system.

In a world where we hear the words AI daily or communicate through emojis and acronyms, let me just express one more time how important connecting to each other makes life worth living. AI cannot compose a handwritten note that expresses your emotions, experiences and genuine caring of another person. Another lesson I embraced during these exercises, the net you cast over the amount of people you touch is much larger and stronger than you may ever realize. From hearing a story from a special aunt, to thanking a guest speaker or even having a former student recount the impact you had on their career path, there are countless individuals that you have touched over the course of your years.

So here is my challenge to all that may read this message. Choose three people that have touched your life; 1) that is near to you on a day-to-day basis, 2) someone who you truly value but don’t connect with near enough and 3) someone that impacts/ impacted your life. Next write them a note from your heart, length isn’t important, it’s the thought that counts. Of course, I would prefer you to use paper and pen but will settle with any formal form of communication. I freely admit, we aren’t all great writers like Wordsworth, but if I can squeeze 21 notes out of the cast of characters for Kayla’s gift, you all can take the time to connect with three humans over the next few weeks.

We have heard the question, what is your love language? I am beginning to believe that mine may be the written word. After my last blog a couple of my friends and I even joked about forming a note writing club, similar to a book club. Where we could meet once a month, drink wine and write to others. Honestly the more I think of the concept, the greater the possibility becomes reality. Even across distances this feat could be achieved. Holding each other accountable to developing our new correspondence habit.

In the words of Emily Post, “Never think because you cannot write a letter easily, that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note imaginable is better than none.” Take my challenge, share your gratitude and compose away. Maybe, just maybe, we are one card away from starting a writing revolution?

March 12, 2025 1

Choosing the Right Door

“If it’s not easy or effortless, it is the wrong door.”

In keeping with my vow to celebrate gratitude in 2025, I’ve realized that gratefulness can come in many different forms. Jotting down some thoughts the other day, I wrote, “I am grateful for my problem-solving ability.” An unexercised muscle this past year, it is not only a gift but also a keen knack to change my perception. For years, I have developed this gift, much like a bodybuilder on an extreme regimen at the gym. I placed myself in a career path that nurtured these opportunities like a cherished crop. The most important lesson I learned wasn’t that there is literally “more than one way to skin a cat,” but that sometimes a gut feeling and time can serve as a remedy too.

If you know me, you’ve heard many of my Jackyisms: “Make good choices,” “If it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter now,” and the infamous “You’re killing me, Smalls” (yes, I borrowed that one). But for the year 2025, my mantra is simply, “If it’s not easy or effortless, it is the wrong door.” The other day I shared my newfound philosophy with a friend and was reminded, ironically, this course of thinking goes against the grain of what we are conditioned to believe. Hard work, breaking boundaries, and building from past defeats are what make us stronger. If the journey isn’t bumpy, how do we know it is successful?

Don’t get me wrong, we must experience failures to truly enjoy the successes. I get it. But haven’t you ever been in a situation, making a decision or trying to climb that metaphoric mountain, and felt like landmines were everywhere? It was time to cut your losses and head back to base camp. Your emotions were drained, your insides were wrecked, and the thought of one more attempt would simply break you to the core.

I truly believe, after much reflection, that you were trying to walk through the wrong door. Not every exit is as simple as turning around and shutting that journey’s door. But, what if you take a step back and just take a breath? It isn’t admitting defeat; it’s realigning your compass back to your true path. Honestly, haven’t you ever felt like you were beating your head against a wall trying to solve a problem? With every step forward, you fell two steps back. Frustration and negative energy filled your vibes, and nothing was accomplished. It isn’t your lack of trying; you are just knocking on the wrong door. Maybe that is why it isn’t being answered?

Rewiring our brain to use positive vibes to accept a choice might be harder to develop into a new behavior. Connecting our heart and emotions to our head and logic—how silly does that sound? In my attempt to be grateful and cherish the gifts I have been born with, I am leaning into this thought process aggressively. In the past, I was the first one to jump on an opportunity without even considering its true value. Instead of over-applying my problem-solving skill, why not allow time and good vibes to guide the process?

Have you ever felt a situation before it happened? My grandma would call that a “gut feeling.” I once read that making a decision should feel right with both your mind and your heart. Think of that balance: if your heart is screaming at you to do something, but your mind is ticking off all the reasons this is a bad idea… let’s face it, it’s the wrong door. Remember Mad Libs, as you went through the plot you chose the word or direction? State a verb, a noun, and you were off into your story. Try choosing your next move using all your internal senses instead of jumping in full throttle. How does the right choice feel—easy and effortless? Simply stated, I am throwing out anything that is negative, as they say, focusing on good vibes only.

Last spring, we weren’t sure what our next move would be with our professional and personal lives. Did we need to journey toward the west coast, find a new path? Nothing felt like the right move. And then one day, while driving to a women’s water polo conference finals in Bloomington, Indiana, a call came. For the next hour, Tod talked to a recruiter he had met years earlier. The first question he asked was, “Are you still in Louisville? Because I have a job that is perfect for your talents.” By the time we checked into our hotel, we had the job announcement, and I was sitting at the lobby computer printing out what would soon become the “right door.” Every step was easy, the pace of the process was swift, without an obstacle along the path. When Tod would look at me and say, “I am sure there are other great candidates,” my reply was always, “Nope, this is too easy and effortless; you are going to get this opportunity.” And low and behold, within a couple of weeks, he was named the new Athletic Director at Indiana University Southeast. And we moved across the river to become the newest citizens of Sellersburg, Indiana.

Should tasks be filled with an overwhelming need to problem solve? What good comes from listening to glass-half empty thinkers? Absolutely nothing. I am not naïve to the fact that bad days will happen and negative bumps will appear in my path, but let’s minimize them at all cost. My new tool in my problem-solving chest is simply to listen to my inner self. Using the easy and effortless measurement device and not being afraid to give tough situations time to visually show a direction. Yes, I am very grateful for my skills that I was born with and those I have developed over time. Maybe someday I will even solve my dilemma on how to get myself to write more often. Pretty positive it is the easy and effortless method behind an undiscovered door.

January 28, 2025 0

Same Time Next Year

“Which is more important,” asked Big Panda, “the journey or the destination?” “The company,” said Tiny Dragon

Being a creature of habit, the ringing in of the New Year emanates thoughts of anew and the overwhelming urge to write in my blog. But something felt different these past few weeks. Like picking up where I left off was no longer an option, it wasn’t just a new year, but a rebirth of a sense of purpose.

Any good annual goal should be measurable. Have I been successful over the past decade with my annual expression to the universe? Curiosity in my corner, the exploration into my past writings was a click away. Believe it or not, A Little Bit About a lot of Things is about to celebrate its 13^th birthday. With a total of 73 posts, 17,645 views and over 8,500 visitors, I knew my efforts weren’t chart topping. Just shy of 65,000 written words, which is just 15,000 words short of the average length of most fictional novels. (Wait, stop, are you saying, that I am on the verge of a completing book?) Thoughts of actually jumping off the diving board into that “big” writing project I so secretly dreamed about often, didn’t seem so scary.

Focus became key and my mind had to be glued to completing the task at hand; finding out if I have stayed true to a quest over the past 13 years? I needed more data. Guess what, Tuesdays seem to be my most prolific day to publish. And as expected, from January 2014 to present day, post Christmas to early in the new year, is the sweet spot for success in completing an entry with a grand total of eleven postings. The reasons behind the popularity was simple, the time of year.

My birthday is January 5, the combination of the celebration and kicking off a fresh chapter in the calendar playbook, makes the perfect recipe for fresh ideas, upbeat goals and visions of anything is possible. And low and behold I stayed true to course over time. Change, hope, stretching outside of comfort zone, process and glass half full mantras graced my written work. And lets not forget in January of 2019 when I based an entire blog off of math https://alittlebitaboutalotofthings.com/2019/01/05/math-doesnt-lie-the-key-to-accomplishing-your-annual-aspirations/ or in 2018 when I created a playlist https://alittlebitaboutalotofthings.com/2018/01/16/2018-a-time-to-grove/ .

They say focusing on the past isn’t healthy, but I learned a few lessons rereading my work. In 2014, I was all about being present, which I can honestly say has been an unplanned premise this past year. I didn’t have a choice but to be present I had nothing but the day ahead. And trust me I’m a person that loves to look forward to something, may I remind you of my love of travel? Having time on my hands and an empty appointment book gave way to taking time to plan adventures. It was a conscious act that I spent hours and endless energy to create destinations. This included spending stints with people that I am truly grateful for in my life, making memories and being in the moment took unexpected forms. From carefully planned trips, like our journey to California in June that I wrote about, to my last minute jaunt on the featured fair tour in Idaho that concluded with a special breakfast with my Grandma Darlene, each destination fueled my fire and boosted my energy.

In 2015, I wrote a prescription as my New Year’s resolution. https://alittlebitaboutalotofthings.com/2015/01/03/begin-again-please-dont-see-just-a-girl-caught-up-in-dreams-and-fantasies/#more-97 One of my “doses” was allow for change. For as long as I can recall I have internally thought if I could just have one or two weeks off to be at home and get my life in order things would be better. You know that underlying feeling of needing rest, checking off that household “to-do” list and just having a little me time. Well, I am living proof it takes way longer than two weeks.

At first, I struggled with the down time. The change was beyond something I felt able to lean into. I was tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. Time and patience were the key to healing. Neither one of them are my signature strengths. As the summer months gave way to fall, I began to spring forth with new bud growth from the metamorphosis. Like the caterpillar becoming a lovely butterfly, I grew new wings and shed off a few thousand burden legs. The byproducts of my healing are evident in my everyday life. My cupboards have never been more organized. I made holiday crafts for the first time in decades. And my status is with United is at an all time high. I allowed for change and in return I found missing parts of my old self.

Yet one of my favorite posts was titled “One Decade at a Time” published January 5, 2017. If you know me, you know I love my birthday. I think we all should celebrate from the roof tops on our special day, because without it you wouldn’t be walking upright. Age has never been a big deal to me, except when I can channel it for an excuse for an even grander celebration. Pointing out significant milestones that were made by people at older ages, you get instantly inspired to go out accomplish any goal, maybe even write a novel? Reading it reminded me that turning 58 really isn’t that big a deal. Not that I really thought it was, like I said, to me age is just a number. It also prompted me to start planning something epic for the big 60. Maybe a trip to Italy?

As for 2025, I have spent some time truly thinking about my annual manifesto. Don’t get me wrong I still believe and embrace all my past idealism and plans, but this year I am only assigning myself one task. To be grateful. Grateful for all the little things in my life but most importantly for the people in my world. Why be present, if not to enjoy time with someone special? And change is prompted many times by the entrance or the exit of individuals in our world. In a world filled with texts, emails, videos, and countless non present forms of communication, I embrace the importance of having actual humans in one’s days. People are as essential to our life as air and water.

One simple word, gratitude will be all that I strive for in 2025. Yes,the journey can be fun and the destination may turn out better than expected, but none of it truly matters without the company.

2025 I am grateful for my family, especially my parents and my fabulous children, Nolan, Kayla and Lilly. I am grateful that each of them has found someone who thinks they are just as amazing as I do. I am grateful my friends, the ones I talk to often and the ones who are there even in the silence space. And I am grateful for Tod and Louie, the little nuclear family that greets me every morning with hope of a joyful day.

January 14, 2025 0

All Things on God’s Time – A Patience Workout

“Patience is when you’re supposed to get mad, but choose to understand instead” – Anonymous

We have all heard the old saying “Patience is a Virtue.” A phrase originated by English poet William Langland in the 1300’s, the quote has stood the test of time as a golden rule. The Bible also applauds the virtues of patience noting that the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace and patience. But as I look around the world today, we are seriously lacking in this practice. Why has our patience muscle became flabby and weak?

January brings the beginning of a new year and the yearning of change and self-improvement. Gym memberships clog the airwaves and on-line streams are filled with home remedies for working out. The act of moving and getting in shape, burns calories and tones our physique. But what about strengthening some of our non-physical muscles? If we don’t exercise our virtues could we develop patience atrophy?

The other day I was watching an episode of Seinfeld. Kramer and Ellen were headed to the local video store to rent the latest VHS movie. As I watched the interchange with the store clerk of which new releases were available, I begin to remember what life was like prior to streaming devices and Amazon prime. In the little town of Templeton, we had one video store. I recall going in and placing your name on a list (pad and pen) to be next in line to rent the latest movie. We had to exercise patience and the reward was getting the phone call to come and enjoy the latest blockbuster.

Technology has made our lives more efficient, information more readily available and increased our ability to communicate tenfold. One single device, the cell phone, developed our instant gratification muscle into an Olympic athlete. We flex it daily as we text, call and email our people and expect immediate response. And when a answer doesn’t land in our lap within seconds we go into instant panic mode. Making up stories of why the other party is not responding. No thought or care that the person in question might be busy living their life, having a meal, or god forbid being present for another human being free from said device. The amount of patience used is zero. Is there is a direct inverse correlation between wanting our satisfaction immediately and our ability to sit quietly and wait? Or has the universe turned our lives on a perpetual fast forward speed?

Who hasn’t experienced that breaking point when we loose our cool. As we end that last day of the first month of the new year, lets lean into self improvement and all go into training and increase our stamina of being patient. Being a good personal trainer, I have come up with a weekly exercise plan for improving patience tone and endurance.

1 – Slow Down. As the title of the blog suggests, all things on God’s time. I use to relish in the fact that I could multi-task 24/7. Living in a constant state of being “on” raises your nerves and anxiety. Nothing can snap your patience in half than being in a hurry. Slowing down and taking one step at a time gives you space in the world and lessons the temptation to swing at those unforseen curve balls.

2 – React unexpectedly and do the opposite. I read an article recently that focused on not getting caught up in the expected results. Something goes wrong and you lose your cool. Why not instead counter with the complete opposite gut reaction and see how that feels? The other day I gave this a try while driving to dinner.

In Louisville many of the main roads have a lane down the middle that allows one to use as a “waiting spot” for traffic to clear. I was sitting in my car making a left hand turn when a lady pulled directly in front of me from the opposite direction. Her destination was further down and needed me to turn before she could complete her trip. She began to wave her hands, share not nice jesters, and basically throw a fit in her front seat like a three year old. My normal reaction would have been to try and hurry to cross the two lanes to my destination or share some not nice motion back. But instead I sat there knowing I could not move safely so I just raised my hands and gave her the heart sign with my hands.

I am unsure how my response affected her, but it made the whole incident irrelevant to my state of mind. Instead of being agitated or upset, I was completely at peace. I was patient, crossed safely and went about my business. Try the opposite exercise next time someone says or does something that would normally trigger you to react negatively and feel your patience muscle flex.

3 – Be prepared. I like to make my bed every morning. Originally this gave me a sense of completing a task to start my day. But over time I have discovered this little act provides me a sense of calm when the day is down. I have added to this process with washing the sheets right before a trip. Coming home to not only a made bed but a clean one is pure bless. Other little pieces of preparedness I have implemented are cleaning out my vacuum bag and filters after I use the appliance. Leaving items in a perfect state of use for the next time brings peace and aides in a patience neutral experience.

4 – Listen to your mother. If you have nothing nice to say, keep it to yourself. I know that is easier said than done. But as I watch the world react to one another across social platforms or comment boards, it is obvious that many feel an overwhelming need to throw out negative criticism. Patience can’t not develop in a negative environment. Like protein to your bicep, patience requires positive energy to build and develop.

5 – Take care of a pet. Having Louie in my life has been like joining a hard-core boot camp. You think a rep of burpees is tough, try an eight-week-old baby velociraptor disguised as a chocolate lab puppy. He has pushed my practicing of patience further than any paid personal trainer. Between the tears, torn up items, tripping over his toys and downright worrying about him like a child, he has really bulked me up to maximum performance over the last year.

6 – Put some grace in the space. My final exercise stems from my lessons with Beth Wonson. Give others time to react to your request. Build space around your expectations. Similar to slowing down or doing the opposite, giving communications, issues, or life a chance to catch its breath will develop patience. Set expectations for yourself and share frequently. A great example could be with responding to emails. If you know you are someone who is busy and only gets to your inbox once a day, try creating an automatic response informing others that you received their message and will respond within 24 hours. Eliminate the rush, the need to make up a story, or create negative energy.

Our daily life 30 or even 10 years ago had built in patience exercises. Similar to PE being mandatory in school, we worked out these muscles on a daily basis. Waiting was a given and we cherished the reward that time took to deliver results. Putting these daily drills into your life won’t eliminate the frustration of traffic or sitting on hold endlessly, but boy won’t you admire your improved stamina and energy as you wait for all things on God’s time.

(Cover photo is Nolan enjoying his favorite past time at one of his most cherished locations, Torrey Pines. Golf a true exercise in patience.)

January 31, 2024 0