personal-growth – a little bit about a lot of things

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Have you ever been to a little kid’s birthday party at a bowling alley? The lanes are adorned with the insert of bumpers in the gutters. These barriers are incorporated to aid in keeping the players’ balls in line. Creating an actual boundary to guarantee that the game doesn’t break into another’s space. Wouldn’t it be grand if we could install giant, blow-up boundaries to protect ourselves from allowing our experiences to go off course?

History has a sneaky way of showing a pattern in need of a directional change. Completing Kayla’s birthday project reminded me of a similar project attempted many moons ago. Circa 2003, I discovered scrapbooking and the fact that I could print photos in my home office. After an inspirational moment shopping at the neighborhood craft store, walking out with not just one book, but the notion to complete four identical masterpieces. My subject matter was my grandmother Roberta. The queen to the kingdom, at least in the eyes of me, my brother Johnny and my cousins Kelly and Stacy. Visions of a poetic memento, complete with vintage photos, the plan was to complete as a Christmas surprise.

Guess what, I have yet to finish these little, gem filled keepsakes. Revisiting now and then over the years, efforts were attempted to complete, but with zero luck. As I wrote last time about my instant fear of completion, that feeling was grounded in this experience. Having the weight of all the people I dragged into Kayla’s surprise, gave witness to holding me accountable to getting the job done. Yet when I was left to my own self-governance, falling short was easy, project boxed up and stored away without anyone the wiser.

Inspired by my latest writing, the search was on to unearth this treasure from the past. There they were, four partly completed books (in various stages) tucked away with all the supplies in a clear container. Staying on course to my commitment to express gratitude, there is no denying my love of heritage, vintage keepsakes, and how I obtained the DNA that runs through my body. In a world that our roots struggle to get the opportunity to run deep in the soil we land upon, I am beyond blessed to say my family tree is firmly planted with generational ties that rival the forming of the local township. It is a special feeling to say, “My grandparents, parents, myself and all three of my children are Templeton High School graduates.” These is not a single thing that I would ever replace from the family my grandmother created.

The story is titled The Queen of Roblar and it is written in a simple four-line stanza, with each quatrain of the poem featured on a page. Sitting here, scanning my unfinished work, two thoughts run through my mind. One, more of this endeavor is finished than recalled. And the second is utter disappointment that 12 years later the task is not complete. In a period where accountability is a key component to success, be it performance reviews, schoolwork, or every customer survey that lands in our inbox daily, how do we evaluate ourselves?

Reading an article the other day that highlighted personal boundaries, a connection between governing oneself and setting up your own personal gutter “bumpers” for protection seem to make sense. Looking in the mirror and deciding what we will accept in ourselves, and others is not an easy task. And when that “bowling ball” crosses the lanes, how do we correct course?

The article noted two subjects I had never considered: time and intellectual boundaries. The concept of time fascinated me in ways that I could easily grasp and realize how much it defined my shortcomings. From how I have spent my moments over the years to allowing other’s demand of this limited good, examining the value of a healthy time boundaries seemed like a good place to start.

Teetering on placing too many tasks on my “plate” and allocating the importance of each item, the view began to become clearer on where the habit of boxing up valued ventures to return to later developed. You see, I spent a great deal of my life putting my professional life first (most of the time), ironically not because I was trying to climb some illusive achievement ladder. The habit was born from an inner need to do my very best at every duty embarked upon. Being an economist, the obvious lesson is that time is a limited resource. Yet I never treated it as a treasured commodity. Give me a good calendar and ability to plan and the belief was lets cram as much as possible into a single day. Check marking my way down the list. Was their joy from the accomplishments or was there pure exhaustion? The glory of the past 18 months of rediscovery is that when you have abundance of time, the pace teaches you the importance of how you spend every day.

Time for me today is about one thing in a moment, with three check marks on the “to dos” as a success. More is never better; pace is the constant. As I began to set boundaries unconsciously, accomplishments increased. No longer do I need to complete something all at once. If it takes a couple of day, or even weeks to have the plan come together, it is still a win. For once in my life, I recognize the value of every single minute, and I am starting to be stingy with how I spend this valuable asset and who gets the investment.

Intellectual boundaries have been a struggle I have battled internally for years. Not with regards to recognizing what are appropriate conversations, but in the sharing of my mind. Bordering on personal boundaries and the overly transparent philosophy I have adapted; I tend to give my knowledge freely. I watch others capitalize and develop successful businesses based on their skills. Yet here I am connecting people, helping them solve business issues, and sharing my thoughts and skills openly. Putting a value on what my intellectual knowledge is worth, is another huge quandary that I can’t even begin to tackle.

Has a solution been found? Not yet, but I can tell you that the first step is awareness. Allowing the little voice in your head the freedom to talk and keep the reminding alive. Being true to yourself is just as important as being honest with yourself. Neither is easy and both need to be practiced. Now that I have time that I can freely devote to my long-lost project, will I complete in the intention of what I imagined? The future holds that answer. The conscious act of self-protection is a new muscle I am learning to flex. Finding gratitude with the completion of even the smallest tasks adds value to my day and my brain power. Pretty soon I will be “bowling” bumper free.

A short insert of a few pages of The Queen of Roblar

Once upon a time
In a quiet country town
Lived a princess of a girl
With love of life profound

A farm was her castle
Amongst fields of hay
This land was her home
Working hard was part of the day

As time went by
The kingdom did grow
The princess blossomed too
Learning to bake and sew

Born the oldest
In a family of four
There were two princes
And one princess more

Reading and writing at
Oakdale school
The princess thought learning
Was so very cool

As the years went by
More lads in the land
All wanting to take
The princess by the hand

The princess found her prince
In a frog named Miller
She knew in her heart
That the king would kill her

The note on the wall
A love story it told
As they ran to Nevada
To say “to have and to hold”

“If it’s not easy or effortless, it is the wrong door.”

In keeping with my vow to celebrate gratitude in 2025, I’ve realized that gratefulness can come in many different forms. Jotting down some thoughts the other day, I wrote, “I am grateful for my problem-solving ability.” An unexercised muscle this past year, it is not only a gift but also a keen knack to change my perception. For years, I have developed this gift, much like a bodybuilder on an extreme regimen at the gym. I placed myself in a career path that nurtured these opportunities like a cherished crop. The most important lesson I learned wasn’t that there is literally “more than one way to skin a cat,” but that sometimes a gut feeling and time can serve as a remedy too.

If you know me, you’ve heard many of my Jackyisms: “Make good choices,” “If it doesn’t matter in five years, it doesn’t matter now,” and the infamous “You’re killing me, Smalls” (yes, I borrowed that one). But for the year 2025, my mantra is simply, “If it’s not easy or effortless, it is the wrong door.” The other day I shared my newfound philosophy with a friend and was reminded, ironically, this course of thinking goes against the grain of what we are conditioned to believe. Hard work, breaking boundaries, and building from past defeats are what make us stronger. If the journey isn’t bumpy, how do we know it is successful?

Don’t get me wrong, we must experience failures to truly enjoy the successes. I get it. But haven’t you ever been in a situation, making a decision or trying to climb that metaphoric mountain, and felt like landmines were everywhere? It was time to cut your losses and head back to base camp. Your emotions were drained, your insides were wrecked, and the thought of one more attempt would simply break you to the core.

I truly believe, after much reflection, that you were trying to walk through the wrong door. Not every exit is as simple as turning around and shutting that journey’s door. But, what if you take a step back and just take a breath? It isn’t admitting defeat; it’s realigning your compass back to your true path. Honestly, haven’t you ever felt like you were beating your head against a wall trying to solve a problem? With every step forward, you fell two steps back. Frustration and negative energy filled your vibes, and nothing was accomplished. It isn’t your lack of trying; you are just knocking on the wrong door. Maybe that is why it isn’t being answered?

Rewiring our brain to use positive vibes to accept a choice might be harder to develop into a new behavior. Connecting our heart and emotions to our head and logic—how silly does that sound? In my attempt to be grateful and cherish the gifts I have been born with, I am leaning into this thought process aggressively. In the past, I was the first one to jump on an opportunity without even considering its true value. Instead of over-applying my problem-solving skill, why not allow time and good vibes to guide the process?

Have you ever felt a situation before it happened? My grandma would call that a “gut feeling.” I once read that making a decision should feel right with both your mind and your heart. Think of that balance: if your heart is screaming at you to do something, but your mind is ticking off all the reasons this is a bad idea… let’s face it, it’s the wrong door. Remember Mad Libs, as you went through the plot you chose the word or direction? State a verb, a noun, and you were off into your story. Try choosing your next move using all your internal senses instead of jumping in full throttle. How does the right choice feel—easy and effortless? Simply stated, I am throwing out anything that is negative, as they say, focusing on good vibes only.

Last spring, we weren’t sure what our next move would be with our professional and personal lives. Did we need to journey toward the west coast, find a new path? Nothing felt like the right move. And then one day, while driving to a women’s water polo conference finals in Bloomington, Indiana, a call came. For the next hour, Tod talked to a recruiter he had met years earlier. The first question he asked was, “Are you still in Louisville? Because I have a job that is perfect for your talents.” By the time we checked into our hotel, we had the job announcement, and I was sitting at the lobby computer printing out what would soon become the “right door.” Every step was easy, the pace of the process was swift, without an obstacle along the path. When Tod would look at me and say, “I am sure there are other great candidates,” my reply was always, “Nope, this is too easy and effortless; you are going to get this opportunity.” And low and behold, within a couple of weeks, he was named the new Athletic Director at Indiana University Southeast. And we moved across the river to become the newest citizens of Sellersburg, Indiana.

Should tasks be filled with an overwhelming need to problem solve? What good comes from listening to glass-half empty thinkers? Absolutely nothing. I am not naïve to the fact that bad days will happen and negative bumps will appear in my path, but let’s minimize them at all cost. My new tool in my problem-solving chest is simply to listen to my inner self. Using the easy and effortless measurement device and not being afraid to give tough situations time to visually show a direction. Yes, I am very grateful for my skills that I was born with and those I have developed over time. Maybe someday I will even solve my dilemma on how to get myself to write more often. Pretty positive it is the easy and effortless method behind an undiscovered door.

Tag: personal-growth

Bowling Alley Wisdom 101

Choosing the Right Door