“The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand. We listen to reply.” – Stephen R. Covey 

The telephone game was a childhood backyard staple many moons ago. Conveying information through a long line of willing sharers with the basic principle that the message being received at the other end would be in perfect tact. We can all guess how that usually played out. Fast forward to today and why as adults do we still struggle to get our message across fault free?

I have been truly fortunate to work with a very gifted person, Beth Wonson. Her true talent is constructing the art of communication. Sharing her insight and developing skills like a painter brushing strokes across a canvas, she makes the simple task of conveying our messages seem easy to breakdown and navigate. Being a true believer in her methods, I was invited to her first ever Navigating Challenging Dialogue® workshop. It was two days filled with “aha moments”.  Leaving with my trusty notebook, tools acquired and a strong belief, I was ready to test the teachings out in the real world. Many lessons worked, some evaporated and a few really good nuggets became part of my sharing culture. There has not been a time since, that when faced with exchange challenges that I don’t hear Beth in my ear, giving a clear perspective on how to tackle the issue.

With formal training and years of experience, I honestly feel that I grasp the art of communication.  Yet over my years in the classroom and in the work place I often find myself scratching my head wondering why my words have been left misunderstood? Even now as I convey my thoughts through this writing, I hope my message comes through the other end in full narrative.

Communication is tough, period, end of story. This blog has been percolating in my brain for a very long time. “I wish communication was better”, rings out in the wide open office spaces across America. I wrote earlier this year with regards to over using the word trigger. But after careful consideration, communication can easily give trigger a run for its money. How many times are we in earshot of someone saying “the problem is lack of communication”?  So here goes my attempt to communicate my two cents on this complicated verb.

My guess if I took a quick survey many people would say that communication is the number one issue with either their work place, home life, or relationship with the world. Breaking it down to its foundation there are two basic principles that can cause the old telephone game to break down, delivery method and content shared.

First and foremost, we have all forgotten that communication is a two-way street. To hear someone, say, “that wasn’t communicated to me,” always leaves me scratching my head wondering, did the person even take the time to ask the question in the first place or did they expect through osmosis to read their mind?

People you can stand on your soapbox and scream “I am not getting information”, but if you aren’t actively trying to find the answers, how does the other party know what knowledge you desire. For example, one person may share very detailed information that they feel is essential to a project, yet the person on the other end may need completely different facts. Beth teaches the importance of clarifying questions. To communicate successfully you must inquire what needs to be shared, how it needs to be shared and if you understand what has been shared. I find the best way to use this skill is when receiving information, state it back to clarify you are truly absorbing the subject matter.

Once the content can be agreed upon, do you know how you like to be feed information? And leaders do you know how your people like to receive communication?   I applaud the world for its advancement in technology, but human connection trumps an electronic devise. Being a firm believer of “people networking” is light years more effective than connection through the cloud over the space continuum, here is what I know about myself. The message needs to fit the platform for me to “hear it”.  

A simple rule of thumb is the longer the content, the more traditional platform for delivery. Quick facts, phone numbers, addresses, a heads up send me over a text. Planning a meeting or sharing a document, email is a fabulous option. But, if you need to tell me something that is a detailed process or requires a discussion, the last place I want the information is in an electronic form. My brain shuts down about three lines into an email.  And ponder this, how much emails and texts do you receive daily?  The amount of clutter that clogs the pathways of communication is beyond measure.  If you don’t want your message to get lost in the noise, why wouldn’t you just pick up the phone and have a conversation?  Or here is a novel concept, walk over and find the person to discuss live and in person.

If you haven’t figured it out, I am still a strong believer in personal connections.  When Maverick utters the famous words, “talk to me goose”, he was searching for answers.   As we continue to lean away from communicating the old fashion way, we are slowly forgetting how to take responsibility for the information that we send out or look to receive.  I am not suggesting that we all go back to paper and pen (as noted with the Valentines in the Rose Garden in Adelaide in the cover photo), but there is a need for pause to think before we share. At the end of the day communication requires people to be successful. Know your audience, know your content and have the faith that someone is listening, and just maybe your voice will be heard.